Golly, I haven't updated in bloomin' ages.
Well... I wont bore you with needless updates; but I shall just make a small post on recent stuff.
Yesterday was the Carmarthenshire Beltane celebration. First thing I have to say is: since when did I become so elitist?!
Though the circle went well, the parts was done, community togetherness was achieved and so forth, I just felt... so lacking. After a year of rituals and having experienced different group's rites, it's almost like I have a vision of what one should be like. The most frustrating thing though (for me) is that I don't even have the proper abilities to enact the parts are well as I wish I could. I have difficulty projecting, I panic at the last minute (i.e. I may have learned my lines, but then forget at the pivotal moment). What shocked me the most was how almost scathing I was at some of the people's performances - Ian had beautiful words but totally lacked any passion or conviction; no-one really knew what was happening and just silly things like that. Nagging thoughts like that have been going in my head for some time, like how awful the Carmarthen folk are at drumming, or how the raising of power is usually badly released etc. and I'm guilty of all that I dislike about the rites.
And it feels quite awful to be so critical.
And I blame Erin(!) She's planted biases into me head that I can't really seem to shake off. Oh, and Bonewits. And my general arrogance.
That said, the rite itself was lovely. It was nice to jump the fire, to be in Dom's garden, to be around these wonderful people. I tried telling a story (the story of Taliesin; which was far too long and frankly a bore), we ate and were watered. I loved it.
Wish I'd stayed longer...
Ho hum. Rant over.
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