Lessons learned from a Lama.

There are many things you can learn from a Lama, including:
Number one - it's always good to know the courtersies of a different religion (learn the mantric greeting meant to be given to a Bön lama rather than go "Merry Meet, Rinpoche...").
Number two - it's possible to be a spiritual teacher and have a good sense of humour ("You live in microwave culture! Everything so fast... your spiritual searching are like a a greasy plate and a dry sponge - but I am the Ecover liquid and the warm water!"). On Tuesday, I sat in on a question/answer session with Lama Khemsar Rinpoche (second from the right), a Bön lama and the spiritual director of the Tibetan Yungdrung Bön Study Centre and his students. He's a very interesting and wise fellow. He first spoke of a few interesting points to do with his teachings - he called them drub-dhe (or, the meditation school) which is in contrast to the monastic school, _____-dhe (I can't for the world remember the Tibetan for it).

Drub-dhe is the very practical version of the spiritual path. It's the difference between those who go into University and carry on being research fellows and those who go out into the world and do manual work, raise families and support the society's infrastucture. Those in the monastery debate, philosophise, talk a lot and just work things out from the canons, texts and practices. The drub-dhe are those who go to a teacher/lama/guru, get taught the practices, learn everything the master can give and then go back out in the world. They have spouses, children and so on, but they are the ones that practice. They do the rituals every day and night. They really go out into the world and make a difference. Rinpoche said that there is little to no merit in the monastic life and that drub-dhe is the really the main way you're gonna go forward on a spiritual life (I enquired about the fact that the Bön tradition have monasteries, and a devotee just said it was all down to culture and habits. They've had monasteries for centuries and old habits die hard). This is where I feel Bön and Buddhism seem to differ; particularly in the Theravadan schools, the monastic sangha are seen to gain the most merit and are more likely to attain enlightenment because their lives are devoted to the practice but Bön puts the same emphasis on practice but on a more practical level. It's by far more pragmatic to the practitioner to be able to combine the mundane life with the spiritual rather than discarding one for the other.

Rinpoche's description of the practical school really sunk in as to what Paganism really was about. We are people who in some way or other (thanks mainly to Druidry and Gardner) see ourselves as priest(esse)s. I know very few completely lay Pagans in the traditional term. Most know and can lead rites, all perform home rites, all perform magic in some form, whether subtle or blatant, known or unknown but none of us spend our lives in a monastic setting we are just priest(esse)s. Some of us hire people to perform rites like weddings and baby namings or the seasonal celebrations. With the former, it's rather hard to marry your wife and be the priest; baby namings are done either with a hired clergy or just by the parents themselves and not all rites require outside help. With the Lampeter and Carmarthen crew, the Master of Ceremonies changes and even then the role of that person is to welcome and to thank, to make sure the rite runs smoothly. It's usually the person of the most experience or the host - all pragmatic. It's not someone who happens to have some privilidge because of training unless in you are a member of a tradition.

In medieval and celtic societies, you may have turned to the local cunningman, the local witch, the local druid for help, but now, we are all witches and cunningfolk and druids and priest. We can do the spells ourselves. Some people do it better than others but again, that's just how life is. Some are natural magicians, born psychics and witches, but we're all magicians in some respect.

And I like that. We're all drub-dhe; our practices seem to be only an extension of our mundane existence and a means to experience the world at a different angle and I rather think it should remain like that.

What was the important teaching though? Practice! Both magical and mundane. And religious practice should have the adherents immersed in the practices and rites. Ritual and magic should be second nature and as normal as making a cup of tea and not chores. I haven't gotten to that level yet, but every morning, I try to meditate and do a small rite; if it's the full moon, I try to go out and appreciate it; I imbue my food with intent and magic - every herb has a purpose and reason.
The mundane stuffs matter just as much. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle; buy organic and/or local; buy ehtically; support green issues; Save the Whales; grow veg or herbs; make wine or ale or mead; cook fresh; use Ecover; love the earth; use public transport; make food using seasonal stuff; attune to the cycles and seasons. The mundane is just as, and sometimes more, important than the magic.

Magical problems?

Just a short one for today.

Now why is it that Pagans are able to erect a magical barrier which can exclude unwanted beings for entering; can dance around circles and raise such a large amount of mana/magic that when sent off, it can almost do anything (such as Gardner/Crowley/Whoever protecting the British Isles in during the Second World War); we can make a simple Witch's Bottle that, when burried, will protect a house; that we can make a staff of hawthorn that can mend the most broken of hearts - but we still can't do the supposedly simple task of levitating pencils?

I think we need a real-life Willow...

Avebury

So... Avebury was good.

We got there on time, around 12pm, but the place was already heaving full of people (left) there for the solstice experience. I was quite surprised with the group of people who were there. I'm quite used to the OBOD-type druidic events, where the people are quite ordinary (!), intellectuals and artist types, but Avebury and general Pagan events tend to attract the real hippies and hairies and general bizarre peeps.

Most of the people when we got to the pub were already pissed and rambling about whatever it was they were rambling about (one was talking about waiting to be taken back to the mothership...). There were people placing their hands on concrete posts, attuning to the energies. It was quite surreal.

Even though we got there in good time, parking was awful (as predicted), but Will Rathouse managed to get the National Trust to get the police to allow us to park the minibus locally (as the NT had height barriers in place) and so we were able to wander around without worrying about Will needing to walk a good couple of miles from the other car park.

We were then supposed to join in the open ritual of the Gorsedd of the Bards of Caer Abiri, but they were nowhere to be found (and we looked around the stones and at the usual meeting place!) so we ended up sitting within the main area of the stones and drank sparkling rosé and ate strawberries (and, as an aside, we cleared up. The same can't be said for the majority of the peeps there - bloody pagans!) while we listened to Will telling us the Tale of the Physicians of Myddfai (right). It was quite a wonderful experience. It's quite a feeling to be within this temple once used by our ancestors. I wondered, whilst there, if this place was used for the purpose the priestly caste being earthly psychopomps. Many of the sites around here seem to have some focus on death or burial (West Kennet Long Barrow, maybe Silbury Hill etc.) and it does, in a way, have that Graveyard kinda feel - that detached peaceful sensation.

After our brief luncheon, we set off to visit the town a little - we went to cafés, raided the souvenir shop (I bought *laods* of books and a celtic knotwork ring for Kay) before setting off for some of the places such as Overton Hills and The Sanctuary. The former appear to be small versions of Silbury Hill and The Santuary is thought to be a (former) wood-henge where preliminary rites would be performed before traversing the Avenue to Avebury. Liz seemed to be taken by The Sanctuary.

Finally we ended up at the Long Barrow, passing Silbury Hill on the way. I plucked a piece of Elder on the way and, with some local chalk, peeled the bark off before turning it white intended as an offering when I got there.

However, when we got there, we saw a smashing crop circle!

The Barrow was interesting. Now, with burial places (mostly dolmens and certain graveyards), I tend to get an uneasy feeling of something/one not wanting me there but with the Long Barrow, I had that same feeling I got in the Avebury circle; of detached peacefulness. It was lovely. There were people inside meditating, candles had been lit, gifts given over (bunches of cereals and flowers) - and some birds were nesting inside!

Again, it was lovely. Such a nice place. We pretty much went home after that. Will dropped me off in Llanelli (really nice thing to do, tbh...) and they al lwent back to Lampeter.

So yes, Avebury was lovely; a nice way to spend the Solstice, if not surreal.

UWL Pagan Society at West Kennet Long Barrow '09
We're so sexy...


Zach proving we were there...

The June Rush

What a month this is turning into! So much happening in closeness with each other.

Next weekend is Midsummer. The solstice; when the sun is at his full glory in this part of the world (just a nod to our colder cousins, down south).
While normally I would join in a rite with the Carmarthenshire folk, Will Rathouse asked if we were planning a trip to Avebury in Wiltshire. Organising the event, it feels wrong not to attend so it seems this year, Midsummer will not be with my friends, but with another lot instead. I did attend the ritual planning, though I'm wondering if this was a faux pas - after all, what rite did I have contributing to something that has nothing to do with myself, but rather, should've been one for them? I guess I miss seeing them; the moots are an impossibility to attend while in Uni'. I have to admit though, that recently I've been assessing the way I am with them. I quite loud, crude, opinionated and tackless around them, so I think some change is probably at hand.

With Avebury, we'll be setting off at around 8am to get there by 11.30 where we'll go visit West Kennet Long Barrow and Silbury Hill, both burial chambers, as far as I know. We'll have lunch and then go on to the Annual Gorsedd Ceremony which'll be held by whoever happens to be there (it's been variously Arthur Pendragon, Bobcat et al.) after which we'll go visit other places nearby, hopefully leaving at 5pm to get home by 8.30pm.
Not quite sure if we'll be able to see the Gorsedd ceremony, however, as it may happen the day before, but we'll see. We could strike lucky - or even do our own impromtu rite! I'm looking forward, anyway - And I'll be with the Midsummer right in Gorslas in heart, if not in body.

And after all that, there's the moot on the 25th and Susan's Fire workshop on the 27th. There's a lot to do!

Gastronomy

After having a meal in the Cwmanne with Erin and talking about poetry, I wrote a new poem, after the gods know how long...
It originally started as a food poem:

La Gastronomie!
Food. Everyone needs food;
It is the weakness of hunger,
The strength of a fine feast!
And, though much of a pleasure,
It shall always be a glorious art.
As synonymous as the words seem,
Pleasure is the danger of art -
Its culmunation often mischanneled.
To lose oneself in art is pleasure
but therein lies its frightening danger -
To lose oneself and never come back.
Paul Rousselle Jun'09

However, understandably, Erin recommended only keeping the following, so there it is:

Gastronomy
Pleasure is the danger of art -
Its culmunation often mischanneled.
To lose oneself in art is pleasure
but therein lies its frightening danger -
To lose oneself and never come back.
Paul Rousselle Jun'09

Change! Now!

Damnit, it would be good to be able to work with a group and perform/channel/direct magic for useful and world changing purposes.

How many Pagans are against deforestation?
How many are against whaling?
How many are against tyrants in Africa?

And where are the groups working serious magic in order to bring positive and meaningful change.

Far too many times have I heard lines such as "I'm gonna do a small ritual for a good exam result", "I need more money - better get the corn dollies out" - but when it comes to real, serious stuff, it's almost as though people are scared of their repective karmas; scared of actually being able to change things.

Individual people can do things - but how much better, how much more powerful would it be to have groups doing this?

Spells for peace?
Rites for democracy?
Circles for fair government?

All alongside ordinary mundane action, of course.

A rite what I wrote...

So... the general idea a few weeks ago was to have a rite on or around the June full-moon as a final group ritual for the year with the purpose of being one focused on protecting the Site over the summer' showing out gratitude to the Spirits of Place and blanketing/grounding its energies while we're away.

And after a couple of weeks... still no-one really did anything so... I wrote a rite! Tell me what you think! It's definitely not perfect, and it was typed out in about half hour/three quarters of an hour.

Roles: Firekeeper; Warden; Herald; Circle Guardian; Elements.

For the altar: Pot of sea salt; cup of mead; cup of apple juice; plate of food to share; bowl of water; cauldron of incense; incense; horn.

-Preliminary-

(Those not involved in the above are gathered at the bottom of the north bank involved with the final banter before the start of the rite, or in personal meditation.)

(Circle Guardian and/or Firekeeper prepares wood for, and lights, fire and tends to it whilst the Circle area is properly prepared by those involved in the creation of Sacred Time/Sacred Space. Warden consecrates sea salt and casts circle.)

-Starting the Rite-

(Facilitator or Warden blasts a sound of the horn)

(Warden comes from the Circle to the bank and guides the celebrants in a short procession, then taking the position at the entrance shall individually challenge each participant)

Warden: [Name], do you release all ill will?
Participant: I release all ill will.
Warden: Then welcome to this Circle!

(Participants enter after the challenge and take one’s place. Warden seals circle with appropriate sigil.)

-Sacred Space-

Warden: We are in Sacred Time and Sacred Space.

Herald: We have come from the North and the South, the East and the West to this Special Place. Long has this Circle stood, and long may it remain – as such is the purpose of our gathering for we have come to celebrate it existence and bid it farewell as we leave for these summer and autumn months. May the Rite begin!

Let us call forth to the Quarters!

East: Come to us from the East, O Air; bring to us inspired Words upon your swift golden wings!

All: Hail and be welcome!

South: Come to us from the South, O Fire; bring to us fiery Will through the passion of your vigor!

All: Hail and be welcome!

West: Come to us from the West, O Water; bring to us flowing Intuition riding with your surging tide!

All: Hail and be welcome!

North: Come to us from the North, O Earth; bring us stable Foundation embedded within your hardened stone!

All: Hail and be welcome!

Herald: Let us call upon the Spirits who call this place home.

Firekeeper: By Land, Sea and Sky, we call upon the Spirits of this Place. You have resided here longer than we can imagine and you have allowed us to use this Special Place for our rites and magic. We have gathered in your tribute, to praise these woods, to honour this site and to protect it from those who damage and desecrate it. We come to bid you our farewells as we travel in these summer and autumn months.

Come, Fair Folk, and rest at the fire’s side and join us at the edge of magic. Accept this mead as libation!

(Firekeeper cast mead into the centre of the fire)

-Main Rite-

Herald: Let us rest in Sacred Space and share our gratitude, appreciation and love for this site.

(All relax and begin pseudo bardic circle as suggested above and community sharing)

-Protection-

(Warden goes in front of altar facing north and takes the pot of salt and goes around to each participant. Each takes a portion of the salt – enough is left for Warden to have three odd portions)

Herald: In your hands, feel the salt that you hold – appreciate it for what it is. This is consecrated Earth taken from the Sea and dried by the Air. If there is any substance which can consecrate, protect and ground, is it not this salt?

Take it and cast it to the ground around you – know that through this act, you are consecrating this Circle and protecting it, but also that you are grounding the energies during our absence.

(All cast the salt about the land around them while the Warden takes the remainder and walks around the Circle pouring the salt while the Herald says the following)

Herald: May the Circle be Blessed and Concecrated! May the Circle be Protected and Cared For! May its energies be grounded!

Now let us make an end of this Rite and take leave of this place.

-Unwinding Sacred Space-

Herald: Let us thanks the Spirits of Place for their help in this rite.

Firekeeper: We thank you for your attendance, O Spirits of Place. You are shall be fondly remembered in our hearts as we depart forth to our homesteads. Stay in this land and we supplicate you help us keep this Special Place protected!

Leave our rite, and leave with the love of our hearts and with the peace of our spirits. We thank you, O Spirits of Place.

Herald: Let us release the Quarters!

North: Return to the North, O Earth; we thank you for your Foundation in this rite.

All: Hail and farewell!

West: Return to the West, O Water; we thank you for your Intuition in this rite.

All: Hail and farewell!

South: Return to the South, O Fire; we thank you for your Will in this rite.

All: Hail and farewell!

East: Return to the East, O Air; we thank you for your Words in this rite

All: Hail and farewell!

-Ending the Rite-

Herald: May the energies be left dormant; may this site be protected; may the Spirits feel the conviction and gratitude of our gathering.

Let us take leave of this place and remember our times here fondly. May we return again in the autumn season. Hail and farewell, all!

(Warden removes the seal)

Warden: Follow me, into the world of the Mundane.

(Warden leads the participants in a silent procession out to the north bank and homebound then returning to unwind the circle; all remaining aid with the clearing of the Circle – then onwards to pub!)

Elements of Magic - Air

Susan and Pinky have recently started organising Elements of Magic workshops to

"deepen your relationship to each element and sharpen your witchy skills – learn some new ones!"

The blurb goes on to say

"in each class we will study one element in depth, deepening our understanding of and relationship to the element. We will learn and develop new skills such as breathing techniques, energy work, voice work, trancework, visualisation, healing techniques and much more."

Now for Air, I was only able to catch possibly the last couple of hours (they last 6hrs) but I learned some useful skills nonetheless. Importantly, I had the opportunity to practice my vocal skills, if only in a comical fashion by learning the Seven Sacred Voices - now granted, we all know most of these, however, to be working with them like this was rather different to just knowing they exist. Those were:

1. The Silent Voice
2. The Whisper Voice
3. The Normal Voice
4. The Loud Voice
5. The Yell Voice
6. The Chant Voice
7. The Song Voice

The Silent Voice was perhaps the most bizarre. Rather than air coming through the vocal chords, one must produced a

"... deep vibration in the chest as close to the heart chakra as one can manage."

It almost sounds like the deep chants the Tibetan clergy do, but even then you can still hear voice. One should feel this vibration but mouth the words rathen then hear what one says. Most difficult.

To practice for the others, we took a nursery rhyme and practiced each with with it (I changed from Humpty Dumpty to a Pagan chant to a Buddhist chant, just to see the difference). and admittedly, it was an eye opening session on how one can use one's voice for magic workings; one I shall be paying attention to much more.

Another useful skills we were taught was using our associations with the elements to really make a call to that particular element/quarter. Usually, I simply jot down a few poetic workds without really thinking of the implications of what I am calling. Why call the Hawk rather than the Robin? Why the Birch rather than some other tree? Why invoke its breeze aspect rather than the whirlwind (I'll explain below)? And why some attributes rather than others?

Susan invited us to jot down what we conceived Air to be, and then work a call from that, so here's what I did:

"Intellect, sharp-wit, inspired voice, whirlwind, voice, roar-in-a-chimney, scent, Birch, Hazel, rustling leaves, winds of change.

I glance towards the Eastern Quarter, to the place of the whirlwind's fury where the Robin glides at the glow of the sunrise.
We hear you in the rustling of the birch; we smell you in the sweet bloomin of spring; we feel you in the roaring of the tempest.
Air; we ask that you give us your sharp wit and the magic of your inspired voice - come to us with your words riding upon swift golden wings.
Hail and be welcome."

Now - why did I choose some of it's more fearful aspects rather than the softer ones? Am I calling trouble? Not neceserally.
I feel in a way that in creating a protective/containment circle, one can either strengthen it or add to it through the elements, so the circle, I give it the fury of a whirlwind emanating from from East.
I use the Robin as a personal animal at the moment, and one that is abundant in the woods in Lampeter. The 'sense' calls are based on associations also: the Birch - tree of new beginnings, light in colour, thin, delicate etc.; spring, the time of the emerging Sun, where freshness and newness is abundant; the tempest - self-evident.

A call to inspiration is one that is needed in a rite where things can go wrong, but also is good as a general magical power and sharp-wit (the bardic/jester power) allows for us to make light a situation is it is needed, and to aid us in the release of the elemental powers - should they not wish to leave.

That said, I'm rather happy with that call, even if it is mediocre at bests. Next workshop is next month, and shall be on Fire.

Blessed be!

And now for a short break.

It's gonna be a busy week. I've got two exams (Ethics and An Introduction To The Self And Metaphysics) and straight after the last one on Wednesday, I'm going straight on the bus home to primarily see Kay, and stay there until the 27th-28th.

Time to relax, time to really push Lampeter at the back of my mind. I adore the place, but I need an escape too; but most importantly, some time to make up for almost neglectful amount of time I've spent with Kay. So yeah.

Once I get back, there's be Council, Forum and (hopefully!) sorting out the house issue - I may be sharing a house (above the funeral directors) with Cate, Willow and Rachel. Good size rooms, reasonable pricings. nothing's definite there, but we'll see.

Roll on Wednesday!

... in with the Goddesses.

Whilst never having having had a personal link with any deity, I mused about how it would be to be totally consumed by a deity - something along the lines of William James's Passivity: "... the mystic feels as his own will were in abeyance, and indeed sometimes as if he were grasped and held by a superior power." (James, William, The Varieties of Religious Experience, p. 381).

Ah, I love control! I so adore being at the back seat yet pulling the reigns - but to give oneself up to a Goddess!

Erin mentioned once that the energies of Lilith were fully and wholly consuming, in utter submission.

So here's a few lines I wrote, haphazardly, to Ol' Lily... see if she answers!

"Surround me wholly in the whirlwind of your starless night.
Consume me completely in the ego-destroying forces of midnight -
Owl-woman; desert tempest; shadow mistress."

Out with the old...

I've had a strangely cathartic experience, which most of your oldies may find a little trivial.
I was going through my Windows Live Messenger contacts list and, as it was far too cluttered and long, I decided to delete old contacts who I hadn't spoken to in years or months, or redundant e-mail addresses.

And it came to a folder with three e-mails. Each other them were of the Pretty family; that of my ex, Connie. And as I don't talk to them, I deleted them.

Thought I'd share that here.
It was a strange feeling. Pressing the 'delete' button can be just as satisfying and as emotionally uplifting as riping up an old letter or photo.
Which I did also. I don't quite know why - I wasn't screwed over (in any proper sense) so. I just guess it's my way of dealing with it - even if it was almost two years ago. It still left its mark, however; I yet have to over come certain weights and scars it left.

Though, in a strange way, it was a bizarre means of 'letting go', if the term can be used. I horde, I keep, I never forget; and here was one way of doing so.
So, good-bye.

Site and Circle

Lampeter is a strange place.
It attracts a unique and bizzare group of people; most or all have emotional (and mental...) issues to sort and as such, this place can make or break you and if you can hack it, it can really be a healing place for you. Such is the group of people here, that at one time, the biggest and most successful of the University's societies was the Pagan Society - how in Eartha's name does that happen?!
This year though, the group's pretty small, but nevermind.

In the mid-to-late 90s, the University gave them permission to use some of the land that the university would use for the dumping and burning of rubbish. They (and it seems one of those people was an old initiate of Carole's) built a ritual Circle. Circle is within the Site, as its called, which is the immediate land surrounding it - it's withing a dip in the land. It seems to have changed over the years - from more of an egg-shape to a circle; different entrances; the building of an altar a few years ago etc. And I want to share this place with you:

You can see the North entrance there with the firepit and altar. If you look to the left of the entrance, there is a holly tree - this would be used as our 'Clootie Tree'

The 'Clootie Tree'.

Two entrance perspectives. In relation to the bottom picture, there is a means of access on the left in makeshift, studen-built steps.

The Site in spring. The Circle is behind.


During Imbolc.

Hmm.

I need more blogger friends...

Alas!

I know few...

The Curse complete with damp and mildew.

The UWLampeter Pagan Soc 'Library' has been found, located, sorted and filed! I should be a Virgoan.

It was at 2 Station Terrace within a nuclear bunker built to 1970s government regulations (that would be, two doors leaned at a 45 degree angle against a wall...). As such it was kept in the damp and the books and papers are covered in mildew. So it seems I'm in possesion of the curse, as it's affectionately (or fearfully!) called. It seems most of the books were sold off at some point (though that's been denied, I found a scrunched up piece of paper with the prices of the books to be sold... ho hum!) so there's a few notable ones. Not *bad* books per se, left; but not the ones you'd expect. The papers themselves are interesting showing things like the budget they had (four times what we have now) and troubles they had etc., also they have some newsletters of old, like the one Carole used to edit called 'Gates of Annwn' and there's also 'Drops of the Awen' which is the seriously old version of 'Myddle Earth' along with a 'Wiccan' (now 'Pagan Dawn') and 'Wood and Water' and so on. So yeah. Some pretty neat things.

I'm hoping to add to the box of books, and maybe to revive the society newsletter (which I've found old copies of). The old society newsletter provide some cool insight into how things were run and how popular it actually was (more than 6 people used to turn up to rituals! Shock!) and what the positions entailed - Site Guardian was a far more important position than I used to realise. Talking of which, I'll need to contact the Estates Officer to find out the university stance and the status of the Circle and the Site. It seems it's under review every 5 years...

Ho hum. Boing post, but there you go.

And a love-life update...

Just a small update regarding a few posts back - the day Kay and I met up again, she ended up asking me out and we've been together since so... yeah. That was an interesting day. We've been together two months last Wednesday.

To be honest, it was quite a roller-coaster at first; from not seeing/talking each other at all to going out but things have now calmed down somewhat. We try to see each other as often as is conviniently possible - she came down on Thursday to attend the UWLampeter President's Ball (and she looked absolutely beautiful - as you can see!), which was a brilliant evening; my hallmates were also glamorous, everyone was having a wonderful time - but most of all, I was accompanying the most glamorous of them all!

Spokes, Wonderbrass and The Amateur Transplants played and were pretty good (although the sound technician should be given a good slap) but we didn't stay for the whole evening - stayed there for about 3hrs but spent like half an hour in a queue to get some decent pictures taken (thought I think they're worth it). So we left around half midnight, went back to mine for pizza and sleep - we were bloody tired by the time we got back. When did we get old, eh!? Though, now exams are happening, I doubt I'll see her for a good week and half. During her exams, she's got about ten days' worth of study leave, so I'll go see her for some of it and help her with her revision, spend some good quality time and go camping for Paul's birthday!

Beltane etc.

Golly, I haven't updated in bloomin' ages.

Well... I wont bore you with needless updates; but I shall just make a small post on recent stuff.

Yesterday was the Carmarthenshire Beltane celebration. First thing I have to say is: since when did I become so elitist?!
Though the circle went well, the parts was done, community togetherness was achieved and so forth, I just felt... so lacking. After a year of rituals and having experienced different group's rites, it's almost like I have a vision of what one should be like. The most frustrating thing though (for me) is that I don't even have the proper abilities to enact the parts are well as I wish I could. I have difficulty projecting, I panic at the last minute (i.e. I may have learned my lines, but then forget at the pivotal moment). What shocked me the most was how almost scathing I was at some of the people's performances - Ian had beautiful words but totally lacked any passion or conviction; no-one really knew what was happening and just silly things like that. Nagging thoughts like that have been going in my head for some time, like how awful the Carmarthen folk are at drumming, or how the raising of power is usually badly released etc. and I'm guilty of all that I dislike about the rites.
And it feels quite awful to be so critical.
And I blame Erin(!) She's planted biases into me head that I can't really seem to shake off. Oh, and Bonewits. And my general arrogance.

That said, the rite itself was lovely. It was nice to jump the fire, to be in Dom's garden, to be around these wonderful people. I tried telling a story (the story of Taliesin; which was far too long and frankly a bore), we ate and were watered. I loved it.
Wish I'd stayed longer...

Ho hum. Rant over.

Conferences and conventions and camps... oh my!

I'm gonna give you a list of the places I wish to go to this years, and some I'm already going to:

1. Peace Mala @ Gurkha Heaven - 21/03


2. Pagan Federation Mid-West & Wales Spring Conference - 3-4/04


3. A dream workshop - 15/04


4. Avalon Witchcamp - 23-28/05


5. Anderida Grove of the Seven Hills Summer Conference - 10-12/07


6. Sunrise Witchcamp - 20-24/08


7. Pagan Federation Mid-West & Wales Summer Camp - 11-13/09

Now, if I want to each of them, it would cost a total of £511, not including travel and the Dream Workshop, as the only details I have of it is the date and location. So which to choose? I probably won't go to any opf the Witchcamps, so those are probably for another year. I'm already going to the Peace Mala meal and to the Anderida Conference, and most probably to the Spring Conference and the Summer Camp (though, may not go to the Camp... not sure...). And I'll need more details for the Dream workshop.

Who knew being Pagan and supporting charities would cost that much...

University and Love.

Pah! I've managed to miss another moot. I can't believe how negelctful I've been of the moots since coming to Lampeter. However, this time was kinda unavoidable as it was a major Student Forum (thought I think I could've actually not have gone).

There were elections on who should go to the NUS Wales Spring Conference. There were the voting on motions such as not opposing the merger but some of the terms; keeping our Ents Sabbatical; keeping our Welfare Sabbatical; keeping our independent societies; keeping our sports teams; keeping an independent RAG officer; keeping our Liberations officers; putting the ISO back on the Union Exec. and (finally) putting the 'T' back in 'LGB'.

Now while Transgendered people shouldn't be simply lumped with the LGBs, and while LGB is a sexuality issue and Transgendered people are a gender issues, more help can be provided for the latter as most organisations are LGBT(Q), as is NUS Wales. Plus this, thus far, only concerns one public Transgender who is leaving this year.

However, having Forum usually on the last Thursday of the month (and on Thursdays at all) poses quite a few problems for a lot of people such as Cwmanne nights and other events. So I may suggest Forum be moved to Wednesday etc.

And I've started talking to Kayleigh again. She the best friend from back in 2006, but we've had am, er, off friendship. Well. To quote a song "We're not quite just friends; we're just not quite lovers".

This culminated in a small talk/agument at Christmas. I fell in love with her a few years back and we kept 'getting together' but she would always back out because she couldn't handle it, or she had an emotional issue. Though, at Christmas, we decided to lose contact altogether because of this until, she figured, we were mature enough to just be friends. Though, partway through, I realised that the 'problems' as such weren't with me be more with her so contacted her a month and a half later essentially putting the ball in her court if ever she wanted to get back in contact, gave her all my details etc. And since then... we haven't stopped speaking. What does that say?

And she now wants to meet up when I go home next weekend. Bit soon don't you think?
I sorta know what this means, from hints and comments from others. Nothing bad; potentially amazing - but we'll see.

It's so cliché, falling for one's closest friend. It's almost storgic.

Ho hum. I never put emotional stuff here. Anyway...